i’m afraid this is going to make me sound like a spoiled brat, but something happened today. my health is still really abysmal, and i’m still in need of some meds, ( we’re starting the trial tomorrow) but a good thing happened. something that i’ve been hanging in/ trying to survive for. 

this week i’ve been visiting this horse. he’s the most beautiful horse i’ve ever seen, a dark bay with a long black tail, black mane, and two back white socks. he has a giraffe-like pattern of brown when he’s in the sun. 

he’s also 2000 pounds and 17 hands high – easily the hugest horse in the stables. his name was julius. at first i was naive thinking – oh he needs to be super affectionate for me to even consider him, but i realize that cultivating a relationship with horses takes time, and it took time with the ones i’ve gotten to know at this place. 

this place is the only safehaven i really have now. 

whenever he walks, he turns heads, when he neighs it sounds literally like a roar, yet he’s a gentle giant. when you ride him it feels like you’re sitting on a recliner chair and the pace is so smooth as you go around. 

he’s never had a person just for him. he came alone, out of his element, used to being in groups, and it made him sick. over time he acclimated to this place, has a paddock buddy next to him and now eats voraciously. 

if you saw him you wouldnt’ believe how beautiful and majestic he is. 

it so happens that this was the first horse my teachers were looking for, in other words, the one they wanted me to get to know was the horse they brought out for me to consider. 

today i said yes. 

because of how kingly he looks, how powerful and strong he is, i named him ‘arthur’. 

and yes, his full name is king arthur. he’s a percheron-thoroughbred cross and i think he needs a person. 

and i need a person.

so yeah – i never asked for a horse. i never had the idea of finding this stable, it was all my parents. i never dreamed i woul d even have such an opportunity. i’m every bit unworthy of a creature this magnificent. 

but i know that seeing him grow and become happier each day in this new environment has brightened my spirits – brushing him, watching him drink from his bath hose, have a friend he neighs too – means the world to me.

my teacher said he was 'the one’ and i believe her. we have to get to know each other to be partners, but i pray and hope that arthur and i can really be a great team and depend on each other. 

i-if i could upload pictures i’d show you him. he’s now officially my child.

i now have something to wake up for in the morning. he’s given me something to live for. i don’t deserve it, i never asked or considered it possible, but somehow i’ve been given a huge blessing. 

so many parts of me are empty and tired – but it’s like none of that exists when i’m with him. so yeah – thank you parents for this. i don’t deserve it – but thank you for bringing arthur to me. 

i promise to protect and make sure he never lacks in anything.